Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
