I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
