Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
