On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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