and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The dick lei will go down in squad history
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Randomize
