Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Use "feeling words"
Yay
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
