...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
