You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
