You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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