I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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