So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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