if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
