You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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