Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
