Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
