brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
