honey bunches of taint.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
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Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
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I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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