I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
