Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
