Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
