weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
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Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
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You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
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