my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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