so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
