I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
