i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
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