im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Randomize
