3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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