dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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