the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Randomize
