question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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