you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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