he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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