..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
