She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Alive.
So much puke
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
