He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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