I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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