it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
