respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
