pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
