I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
