Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
