Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
