You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
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Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
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I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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