Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
