I need help removing her.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
