Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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