Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
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