after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
