Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
