I think my fart just growled at me.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
