Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize