why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
So. Much. Porn.
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