My liver just broke up with me...
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Randomize
