I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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