dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
