I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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