I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
