fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
