Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
