she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
