I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
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