plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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