now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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