By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
