you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
