WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
