When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
