I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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