somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
