Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
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