so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
