they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
