I think I am morally bankrupt
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
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