He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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