I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
