I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
