I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
