I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
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