Taylor Swift is so right about you.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
