But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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