So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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