if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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