I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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