Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize